My angel

After we buried grandma next to Pop Pop in Maryland, MomMom (also known as Mama, Mamawolfe or Cita) drove us back home to North Carolina. She stayed from last Friday until today and just left and again I am broken heart-ed. She IS my angel. I don't even know where to start in explaining what a wonderful woman she is. EVERYBODY who knows her says she IS an angel. She was sent here by God to bless the lives of those all around her and she HAS and continues to every day.

When she comes down to visit (we try to see each other every 6 to 8 weeks)... she flitters in here with her butterfly wing hugs, bringing peace, fresh air, fun adventures, that silly laughter and fun songs and then before I know it she's gone leaving only TONS of gifts and food from Costco, usually a whole bunch of house improvements and always flowers in my flower pots that sat empty before she came. She leaves me brokenhearted that she's gone again yet a much better person knowing I had my MomMom influence, praise, love and encouragement in person for a short time.

We talk every single day - many days it's numerous times a day but there is nothing like having her HERE with me to DO things together or just "sit and be" like I love to do.

I never know how to re-pay her except to be as good a mom as I can to Raymond and appreciate everything she gives. If I could be 1/10th as encouraging, uplifting and simply "nice" as she is then Brandon will be a happy husband and Raymond will be blessed so I'm trying!

God - I just don't understand though!! WHY was I given the absolute BEST mom AND grandmom EVER!!?? It just doesn't seem fair to others.... why do I deserve them (I don't) and what can I do to show my appreciation. I am not anywhere near being as great of ladies as they are --- I need help knowing how to be a better wife, daughter, friend, person. I want to be more like them, I am not happy with the person I have been these last months. Call it depression, call it heartbrokenness, there is no excuse, I need a change and I need to get my life back on track.

Thank you God for MomMom and for grandma and for the ability to be able to start fresh and new every day - because of the gift of Jesus, I know I can be forgiven and can start anew -- all things are new in you. Please help me be more like these women in my life.

Reminder to blog later more about MomMom -- what she was like when I was growing up, in my teenage years, college, when Raymond was born, etc. etc. Maybe even write her life history with her some day like I did grandma.

Back to Blogging

Well I don't even know where to start. I am so full of emotions and thoughts but I can't seem to find the words that I need to get out.

My grandma, Evelyn Elizabeth Talley Murphy finally went to be with her Creator and Savior, the absolute love and center of her life on Mother's Day this year. I was hysterical when I got the call that I wasn't going to make it in time to see her again. When the pain isn't so fresh I will write more about her sicknesses and aging process but for right now, I just have to type that I am sad for myself and for the time I have missed with her and will miss with her - but I rejoice knowing that she is at a resting place with no more pain and suffering. I don't know anybody that loves the Lord more than my grandma - she has wanted to be with her Lord for many years but we were not willing to let her go. She was so much of a selfless person she wasn't going to go until she knew we would be able to handle it. On Mother's Day my mom finally started whispering to her, "I'm okay, I'm okay" instead of "you're okay you're okay" and grandma then knew she could go. The Lord and grandma would not have wanted me to see her in the last days - they wanted me to remember all the positive memories I have of her, and I'm blessed to know that the last times I saw her she was in her house and happy. I really have only positive memories of her.

So that's all the words I have about that for now. This is a reminder for me that later I want to type in her life history I wrote in 2002, I want to write about the sickness and last years and I want to write about the memorial service and graveside funeral. So I'll be doing that when my heart is ready and available.


http://www.dailyrecord.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20070515/ANNOUNCE05/705150312

Moved in

The internet & me are together again! I actually didn't miss it that much. It felt good to not be tied down to emails, etc. but I did miss being able to vent out some feelings, I missed all my friends and I missed reading my favorite blogs.

I need prayer for my mom, my grandma and our family. It is so hard to be away from my hometown and my family - especially during all the troubles grandma is having. Her alzheimers and seizures have thrown her into the hospital basically unresponsive. I am headed up there Thursday. I believe in miracles, I believe that God will relieve her of this pain & suffering. I believe that she CAN can better! I absolutely believe that God can and will turn this situation around - He will either let he ber better and continue her life here enjoying her new great grandbabies or He will let her go to Him in heaven and for the first time in her life be truly ALIVE and HAPPY. My only comfort right now is knowing that He wouldn't leave her alone and that He is allowing her to feel His presence if nothing else.



I ask for forgiveness for deserting my family to come down to NC in 2001 for school. I pray for God to take away the guilt I feel for being away. I have such a strong and intimate connection with my mom and grandmom, this is unbearable to me to not be there to help in whatever way I can. Especially because my personality is the type to run TOWARD problems and be right there in the middle of it helping. I can't stand to walk away or be away when an emergency or problem is going on. Since we finally closed on the house, I am headed up to NJ Thursday with Raymond - I just pray for God to use me in whatever way He can and wants to.



I pray that I will be able to understand that when I married Brandon, I promised to cleave to him and support him and I pray that I can have the strength to love and support even when I feel unloved and unappreciated beacuse of how little we see each other these days. Protect my marriage God, protect my heart, protect my faith and family.



How do you know if you made the right decision and you're just being tested.... or if you've made a wrong decision and you're being punished? I don't know, I'm getting myself all confused.



I go back to Romans 8:28 -- I DO love you Lord, please work things out or if you can't change the situation right now --- please help me know what to do to change my attitude!



I need some miracles, and I believe God can bring them. Please God!

TownHome Update

Well while Brandon worked in landscaping today for some extra money, Raymond and I went to go see what was new at the TownHome. And the only thing that looks different is that the landscaping was done, the new black door was on there, the floor was cleaned off and the paint was all complete! So we're supposed to be moving 2 weeks from today and they have to:

• bring in washer and dryer
• bring in refrigerator & stove
• put in shelves in all the closets
• hang up mirrors
• clean

So I think we're still right on track to close on the 13th!!! :) What a busy month this will be. Easter weekend is next weekend! Then on Monday, the day after Easter, is my first day out of training at work - so I'll be answering phone calls for the first time! AHH and then we close that Friday!!!!!!! :) I'm getting so anxious!

I'll be praying that Satan won't stress me out - like Susan said. and just prayers that the transition time this next month won't be too hard on everybody!

(I love that the windows in this house are SOO big to allow the light to come in! and Lennox will love that they are so low so he can see out! I also LOVE the colors we chose. I LOVE the fans in each room -- and I LOVE the lighting. Anybody who has been over to our current house knows what I mean -- our lighting is so old here - so dim, no updated electricity, no outlets in the bathroom, dryer is outside in the shed, windows are so small and old --- so I'm ready for NEW stuff!!!)

Thank you GOD for this incredible blessing we are receiving - I know it's from you alone, and I promise to do my best to take care of it and appreciate it every day! Thank you!

Our First Little Home

Well we are closing on our first little home on April 13th!! It's a cute little townhome right on the outskirts of the City limits and we are sooo excited about it. It is in a brand new development - it will have sidewalks & a pool - 2 of the things I always said I wanted! :) It's a perfect start for us. We won't have to worry about the lawn and we LOVE NEW nice things - so it will be great! It will be finished being built really soon. We got to pick out the colors and everything - how exciting. We went there on Saturday.

It's small - but it's high quality inside - so we're happy with it! We'd rather start small high quality and then move our way up to bigger high quality! :) I LOVE that it has a screened porch - those Carolina breezes will feel so good back there! :)

I'm so scared for the move and the weeks after with the unpacking - and just kinda scared for all the changes, but God is so good and I know He'll be walking us through it all and as Brandon always tells me, "it will be okay" :)

It's an exciting time! Yet deep down - it is bittersweet knowing that I am now officially putting down some roots so far away from my family. We can always sell and move if we need to though!! We'll see where God takes us.

God is so good and we appreciate anything He gives!

MY NEW NEPHEW IS HERE!

YAY!!! :) Christian James Warner is here! Arrived yesterday at 2:10 pm. 8 pounds 10 ounces!!!

Bigger than my baby Raymond -- which is amazing to me because my older sister is so much smaller than me and so petite!! No wonder this one hurt worse than her first!!!

Christian James is the 2nd son of my only sister - it doesn't seem real. I am just pretending it didn't happen until I get to meet him (which I don't know when that will be).

It is hurting me so bad not to be able to be there to meet, hug and love all over him TODAY!!! (and my sister and brother-in-law too!) When I came down to school in North Carolina I knew it was where God was leading me - I just felt a call to come down here - and once I met Brandon that first week (who is now my hubby!), I knew I had made the right decision - I was on God's path for my life.... but even though I have learned so much and have been able to really mature and grow and become the person I want to be - it doesn't make it any easier to be away from my side of the family. Now that Roxie and I both have kids - it makes it a million times harder. I want to go shopping together for our little munchkins, have lunch dates, have play dates - babysit each other babies! I want to be able to rescue each other when we have one of those mundane yet hectic "i need a break" days!

It just stinks quite frankly -- but I know that God is planning something big and that He will make things work out the way they are supposed to. I'll just keep praying for Him to light my path to help me make the right decisions - and if we are meant to move back up there - I know He'll make it possible - and if they are supposed to come down here - I know He'll give them the options and the 'pull'... so I'm just waiting on Him. I'd rather do things His way then pretend I have control over my life and do it 'my way'.

I'd rather please Him than do whatever I want for myself - I know His ways are in my best interest. Life isn't always about being happy and pleasing myself anyway - although I believe God wants that for us too. I can choose to be happy in whatever circumstance I'm in - but it doesn't mean my circumstances are going to be peachy.

Anyway --- I didn't mean to get into all that - I just wanted to express how absolutely excited I am for Christian to have joined this family!!! I wish him a life filled with purpose, passion, truth, and fun!!! :)

What I've Done So Far

I saw this on somebody's blog, and thought I'd copy it to show some adventures I've had so far in my life... What I have done is in bold.

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink (no but my dad sure did have a huge bar bill to pay from my wedding!!)
02. Swam with wild dolphins (I FINALLY DID THIS! but wait, they were not wild)
03. Climbed a mountain (well, yeah --- camping at Mahlon Dickerson looking at the NYC skyline!)
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive (not yet!)
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula (no, and never will)
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it (only about 1,000 times a day)
09. Hugged a tree (definitely - but I'm not a tree hugger - just a christian that loves this earth)
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea (how about gone THROUGH a huge storm on a cruise!)
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game (Yankee Stadium - David Cone perfect game!!)
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa.
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables (well moms and grandmoms)
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars (I can't remember -- feel like I have)
20. Changed a baby’s diaper (HAHAHAHA Have I ever....I am a pro)
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne (we all have a past!)
24. Given more than you can afford to charity (well -- it's never more than I can afford - God always provides)
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment (about every other day growing up - school, church, everywhere)
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger (That Dairy Queen kid -- what a dork I was)
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can (quite often - a good release)
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster (LOVE THEM!)
35. Hit a home run (YAY! -- I miss those days)
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day (Lisa and I pretending we were spanish)
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states (want to!!)
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk. (don't care to re visit that)
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales (YAY! Whale watch 8th grade)
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe.
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love (but just one of those teenage "not love but feels like what I think love is" things)
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business (will see it to the end too)
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured an ancient site (maybe 'old' not 'ancient')
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played Dungeons & Dragons for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo (hopefully someday...)
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date (oops)
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house (townhomes count?)
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship (twice!)
94. Spoken more than one language fluently well enough to have a decent conversation
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised (raising) children (child)
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery (no but a plastic surgeon zipped up my poor face twice)
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart (which really I think ended up hearting me more than them in the end!)
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone (fingers broken & cheekbone chipped--- no more for more though please!)
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach (this just makes me laugh that this was on here HAHAHAHA)
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language (Fernando at Mickey's Retreat)
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream (maybe a day here or there)
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you (yeap -- $.05 for a colored picture from our wagon)
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life
151. Finished a marathon (but I never started one either - so it's not like I started and did not finish)