I have been thinking about my hubby, Mr B, as I like to call him sometimes haha, a lot recently. Probably because I have finally finished organizing ALL my photos and it was nice to reflect back on the past 6 1/2 years thorugh photos. Brandon and I have grown soo much in the past years. We make each other better. I can't imagine life without him. I think about him a lot throughout each and every day, and have for the past 6 1/2 years....but the thankfulness I feel to have found him grows every month. I can't believe we have known each other 6 1/2 years. I can't believe I lived my life without him for the first 18 years!! But I know that if we had met any earlier than we did, our relationship would have never worked. I was not ready for him and vice versa. God's timing is always perfect. This thought on timing and preparation got me to thinking about my past relationships...I'll go there in a second.
I think a lot about how delicate of a thread our relationship SEEMS to have been in the beginning. It seems looking back, like we almost could have missed meeting each other! What if I had not said yes to Ashley to go to that party with her. I almost didn't go. What if Brandon had not made the choose to go out that night and instead stayed in because he had to work late and had family visiting. I know that God would have let our paths cross a different way - but I'm so glad we made it easy for Him! haha It's just cool to think about how little the decisions seemed at the time - but they would end up being life changing decisions with eternal consequences!!!! It's always the little decisions that bring HUGE rewards!
Which brings me to "little" decisions I made for 4+ years before Brandon that were HARD but were the RIGHT decision! Looking back, all I can say sometimes is I am soooo thankful for unanswered prayers! A million times over I can't thank God enough for giving me the strength to say no to other advances in my past from people who I loved loved loved as soul mate friends, but didn't want to start a romantic relationship with. I have to say that numerous times, I almost gave in and gave my heart away to somebody I knew deep down wasn't for me. I was soo sick of everybody around me, his family, my family, mutual friends, saying, just give him a chance.... that I almost just said FINE... and that would have been an awful and potentially life changing decision in a negative way!! Thank you God for not answering the prayers of those that prayed for something that really wasn't good for them! I imagine it must have been so hard sometimes for God to see a boy who loves Him with all His heart, hurting so....but God knew what was best for Him, and I have found out that He has been rewarded tremendously and has been blessed with what he was being prepared for! I hope he also can look back and see God's hand in his life and not feel pain.
I hate that I hurt this person, but I am so thankful to this day I didn't give in to that temptation. I was not ready for the deep mature love this person was offering - and I am soo thankful I didn't say yes to it. Do I wish now that I had understood that love and appreciated it? YES it would have helped my spiritual growth and kept me out of trouble, and helped allieve the esteem & adolescent issues I was going through. But see - those are all selfish reasons!!! Still today, I can say that even if I had appreciated his love, we were not meant to be together, because the only reason I would have ever said yes was for ME.... I didn't love HIM, I loved how much he loved me, that's it!!! Sometimes I used to wish that I could have loved him like he loved me...but NOW I am so thankful I didn't!!! It was hard to constantly have to say "no" to somebody and hear from all their friends and family how mean I was, and how I was such a heartbreaker or had no heart at all, how I loved to hurt people. Sometimes we think the only person hurting is the one getting the rejection - but it's not true. So my point about all that was that the past is gone and I am thankful for that!!! Isn't it awesome to look back at your story and see God's hand. I am soo thankful God gave me the strength to leave my hometown and find myself.
And the week I came down to school, I met Brandon. God's plan and timing is always perfect. I get chills when I think about how much things have just 'fallen' in place.... all orchestrated by God the past 7 years. With Brandon's peaceful, patient, calm, non judging personality - I was given the room to grow, make mistakes and find myself with him by my side the entire time. We are perfect for each other.
There are some reasons that I said NO right away to all my previous advances from guys --- and when I noticed that brandon didn't have any of these negative qualities...that is when my love for him really started to grow. (ex: He never "tried too hard" to win me if you know what I mean.....He is incapable of talking bad about others.... He is non judgemental in a way that is remarkable to me. I remember growing up in the church, when I was a baby christian and (didn't know any better) I really formed my reputation of the church from the 'friends' around me who were more mature in their christian walk than me, one being this guy who liked me so much-- I would get so upset when I would hear them judging others. Or saying things like, "they are no good" or "they'll always be like that"....that was so weird to me. I used to think, is that what christianity teaches this person? I am glad that I grew up and stopped looking to others on how to live a godly life.)
I could go on and on about qualities that others had that automatically made me want to say NO to them but Brandon had none of these. I can't say that right when I saw him, I knew he was 'the one'. I didn't even think we would have a long term relationship at first, but as we spent more and more time together and I found out about him - I knew he was the one I had been waiting for. He was the one God had been preparing me for. All of my NO's finally lead me to this perfect YES!!!
I have never and I believe I will never meet a man that can even be in the same ring as Brandon for me. He is a Man's man which is hard to find. His personality is the hardest to find in population statistically - and then on top of that his experiences and wisdom and love for the Lord makes him literally 1 in a gazillion.
Some qualities that he DID have that none of my other guy friends/relationships had are:
a) he's a dreamer! He is a man with a huge vision. I wasn't happy 'settling' for a hometown guy and a very predictable boring life. I didn't want our life to be filled with the mundane. A marriage where the biggest decision of the week is where to go out to eat on Saturday or what movie to rent on Friday is not for me. Brandon is a man who I will be happy to follow for the rest of my life. He's a leader and attracts people to him. I am honored to be at his side. God has huge plans for our future!!
b) He has guts!!! He stands up for what he believes in and he's a fighter! It still bewilders me how he can always be so non threatening to others and so peaceful - but yet he never lets anybody step all over him! He has a personality that is humble and none offensive so people listen and respect when he finally does say something --- but before you know it - he has stepped all over your shoes and beat you upside the head - but you walk away not even knowing it haha. He steps all over your toes, but never scuffs your shoes as somebody once told me haha. I always wanted a man who I knew could protect me - and unforunately I have witnessed Brandon's pre-saved days so I know that he could protect me physically...but more than that, he can protect me in all areas. I didn't want to run the show, I wanted to be a godly wife and let the man be the leader, so I am happy to say I found somebody who knows how to calm me down and run the roost haha.
c) he is so slow to anger and always thinks before he speaks.
d) he's a good dancer and knows how to have fun! I wanted somebody who I could have fun with!! We love to dance, go snowboarding, water skiing, jet skiing, everything. He is adventurous with no fear and I LOVE it! :)
e) he is social. Brandon is soft spoken but NOT anywhere near shy. He has so much confidence and is the center of any dance party, but you would never know that about him haha. I wanted somebody who loved people like me not a homebody! To bring others to Christ, I believe we have to be social - and we have to love people and we have to know how to have fun!!!!
My brother in law (sister's husband) at our wedding said..... we loved Brandon right away because no other guy has done for her what he does. The changes we have seen are incredible. She is at peace around him, she's calm, she is maturing. He is the only person we've seen that helped her appreciate stillness & quiet. And it's true! Just "being" is one of my favorite things now! I LOVE silences now - but before they would drive me pretty crazy haha
f) he's hot! haha obviously physical attraction is not a top priority to us, we look so much deeper than that, I have rarely mentioned Brandon's physical blessings at all in all the blogs I have written about him ....but let's be serious - physical attraction is a necessity in a marriage and we have been blessed with having that for each other...something I didn't have for any of the 'other' guys haha. I won't go any further than that haha
oh wow --- I have been typing for quite a while and didn't even get off my heart 1/2 of what I wanted to say. There are 3 more qualities I want to write about that Brandon has that others never did....but I don't have time!
Raymond's going to be getting up from his nap soon - so I just want to end with the fact that I love my Brandon, with all my heart and soul and I am so thankful that God never allowed me to love anybody else. I love our life and our relationship. I am happy to say I live my life with no regrets - because there is no room for that in a heart that Loves the Lord!! My wise ole owl (another nickname for Brandon) and I are going to be used this year and we are going to help others become fully devoted to Jesus Christ!! We are a perfect team. I believe God's decision to put us together will positively affect the live of many others! I am soo happy that God always controls everything and that He always does what is right for us in the LONG term even if it hurts temporarily!!!! That is true love!! :)
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