It took God years to work this issue out of me - but I am finally learning to love all parts of me - including my physical. The theme of what I have been learning in all areas of my life seems to be to focus on the good. To be thankful for what you have and to do what you can with what you have in this moment. I am so thankful for my healthy body. I am finally thankful for my larger-than-I'd-like thighs, my puffy cheeks and ghetto booty, my hair that isn't the fullest in the world and I could go on and on about things about me that are not my ideal physique hehe but those are enough examples. Having a sister that is so gorgeous, was homecoming queen and even picked to be part of Miss New Jersey (but she declined) sort of didn't help my issues with my physical beauty because in my immaturity I always compared myself to others which is something I know God has healed in me as well.
The biggest turning point was in 2003 when hubby and I were at Walt Disney World (we were interns there). We used to go golfing on our days off and on this day in February (I think it was February?) I had a horrible shot and went down the hill to get my ball. It was Brandon's turn - we were almost at the end of the 18 holes, it was so hot and he was like Randi I'm gonna go ahead and hit it. I was standing way to the left of him and looking at his back but SOMEHOW when he hit that ball he shanked it so bad (and he's a good golfer - he NEVER does this) that it came straight at me - 100 or so feet away and I got it right in the cheek. My big puffy cheek that I sure am thankful had a lot of padding on it :)
After a plastic surgeon pieced me back together --- my cheek was so so ugly when I smiled. The scar cut my cheek in half from right near the corner of my eye & nose diagonal cutting across my face, cutting my cheek in a diagonal. It was ugly. Brandon branded me :) BUT praise God and thank God for mederma it is really hard to see right now. If I pull my skin, it is really obvious but it's basically invisible now. BUT during that healing process that took a good year - I kept asking God to PLEASE heal me and not take away my smile. I LOVE to smile and know it's one way God allows people to open up to me so I can allow Him to plant good into their lives. I was so upset that this scar was making me feel so insecure about smiling. I told Him that I would NEVER again complain about my physical appearance. I would be thankful for all parts of me and thankful for my health. What a selfish request it was and how stupid to bargain with God like that but He answered it anyway. How graceful He is.
And I have to admit, I have been really really good at keeping this promise. Whenever I hear myself muttering about my body, parts of me that I wish were different --- I force myself to speak out loud - THANK YOU God for my beautiful body. Thank you for allowing me to see, hear and walk. I couldn't ask for anything more. and I ask Him to above all else help me focus on my inner beauty - the beauty He brings, the lasting beauty.
I still love to make sure I'm taking care of my body to stay attractive for my hubby and to take care of what I've given, but I sure am thankful God taught me this lesson. And He also does an awesome job of reminding me how blessed I am to be healthy and how blessed I am to have the qualities He has given me. He reminds me in so many ways that many people in this world would do anything for what I have been given.
Part of being okay with me was being able to look at pictures of me and not think ewwww.. so here are some pictures I took of me the past 2 weeks to send to my hubby while he's at work.
Soooo do I look 25 now!?!! :) I've been 25 for 2 days! :)
Wow! I never knew until you mentioned it. Your surgeon is awesome then, I still can't tell! Thank God for the wonders of modern medicine.
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