I had to write a life history and aging paper for my sociology of aging class in 2003. Of course I chose grandma to write with. I am posting it below --- with excerpts from Aunt Gloria and other memories I had written down in other places. Thank God for this life. The ultimate example of a christian woman. Always a lady, always focusing on God first, others second, herself third.
Life History Paper: Evelyn T. Murphy
Evelyn Elizabeth Talley, my grandmother was born on June 25th, 1921. "My mother started having cramps because she was peeling apples, and kept eating all the apple peelings, then she realized that it wasn't cramps from the apple peelings, it was me ready to come out of the womb... that is where you [Randi, Evelyn's granddaughter] got your love of apple peels from."
Her father had built the house that she was born into. It was in Kilmarnock, Virginia, and he had built it for the family after Evelyn's parents were married. He was really good at building things, Evelyn says, "nobody now ever builds chairs and houses as good as he did." As grandma (Evelyn) told me this next story, she closed her eyes, and I could picture her imagining that she was at that house again. I felt like she was taking me on a trip back in history to her childhood. She is a great storyteller, and always has been. I can just picture everything she talks about like I'm right there with her.
"It [the house she was born into] had a real nice front porch. When you went inside from the front porch, to the left there was a safe, a "pie" safe. I bet you don't know what that is. It was made of wood and daddy made it and you put your pies in there to keep them over night. The pies and biscuits and such, it kept them dry because we had no ice or anything to refrigerate it really. Those boys down the street could smell it when mama made a pie, and they'd come running, but nobody ever stole anything so that's good. On the right side inside the house was the kitchen... it had a wood stove. The oven was down underneath and I never used the oven so I can't tell you much about that.
"but I would have to start the recollections of my childhood by saying that my nickname was Toodles', for even now some of our relatives only remember Marjorie and me as 'Sissie' and 'Toodles'."
Another one of the earliest memories Evelyn has takes place on the street where she grew up. The house they lived in was "just down the way" from her grandmother's house and her and her siblings used to run down there and her grandma would have a cookie jar that her grandma always called, "mellows to catch meddlers" or maybe it's "mannoees to catch meddlers" we couldn't decide. Evelyn says that every time you'd go down to her house, she'd tell you to get a cookie from the jay, and she'd always say that phrase. Another first memory she has on that street is when she was probably 2 or 3 and she was playing down at her grandma's house one day, and there was a man who worked the farm next door to her (Willie Davis?) that came running up the path and said, "Blossom's dead, Blossom's dead". Blossom was the 3rd girl born in Evelyn's family. Nobody ever found a reason why she died. She was 15 months old. Apparently her grandma or somebody was taking care of her while her parents were not there and she just died.
"Nobody ever talked about it ever again to me. Never heard of it again. I remember walking down the aisle behind the little white casket. That night I woke screaming of a nightmare with big black dog chasing me. When I got married, we had the service in the church and afterward the ladies from church made cakes and had a part at my mom's house. My mom was in the bedroom weeping very loudly and daddy went in and asked what was wrong and she said it was... it was the cake, they had made a cake and it looked like a little casket [just rectangular and white I guess], so they went and took the cake out. Then she stopped crying. That was 20 years that blossom's death didn't come up, and it came up on my wedding day. Daddy always babied mom, he'd call her, "the madam". Whatever she wanted, he would try to do."
Evelyn has very very fond memories of her father. He was one of those hard to find good men. He didn't speak a lot, but when he talked, everybody would listen. He was the quiet leader. One story of him that Evelyn remembers is that she had a cousin, whose husband had died, and a year later the cousin was going to be married again. The relatives and everybody looked down on that cousin for marrying again so soon after the death of her first husband. Nobody was going to go to the wedding but everybody looked to Evelyn's father for what he would do, and they would follow him. An hour before the wedding he finally spoke and said, "Cousin John is not going to be more dead than he is now". And everybody went.
Evelyn was the first-born and then there was Marjorie, Gloria, Blossom, Winnie, and Howard. Howard was the baby and "he was babied but he was not spoiled despite the babying". "They were all great kids" Evelyn says. "Even Marjorie", Evelyn says. Evelyn explains that, "Marjorie and I were the same size and close in age, so we fought like cats and dogs". She really misses them; they all still live in the South except Howard who died about 2 years ago. Winnie could really do nothing right for Evelyn's mom and Howard could do no wrong. Evelyn's dad was always kind to all of them and everybody really. She doesn't even remember a time when he was ever mean to anybody. He went out of his way to never offend anybody. He let people decide things for themselves. Meanwhile, Evelyn's mother went out of her way to tell everybody what she felt. It seems they complemented each other well. From what I can tell and what I know, Evelyn took after he father in that regard.
When Evelyn was young, she was very intelligent at a very young age. She could read a whole book to the neighborhood kids, while the ones older than her couldn't even read yet. Reading has always been a huge part of her life to this day.
"I used to sit around the fireplace and daddy would read, "The Girls Scouts At Home" and "Five Little Peppers and How They Grew". Mama was the reader actually and taught school and all that, but I don't remember her reading to us, daddy always did. And my grandfather was the one who really taught me to read though. I had little blocks with the alphabet and he taught me the alphabet and he taught me how to read. He died by the time I was three. I was blessed, I could always read. I don't remember my grandmother on my mother's side and I don't think I had any contact with her. But my grandfather taught me to read."
"Sometimes I have wished that I had talked to my other Grandma more, for she had had a very interesting life. Once she told me that when she was first married, they didn't have a stove, just cooked over a fireplace. She also remembered the Yankee soldiers coming down through Virginia. She said the Yankees came and took some soup they made and said it was the best soup they had had but it could use some salt. Grandma told them they didn't have any salt, the Yankees took it all along with their money, and the general gave her some salt. When I was in college one of the cleaning ladies thought I had the most beautiful quilts she had ever seen--one made by Grandma and one by Mama."
Evelyn remembered that she never had many toys growing up. Everybody was poor.
"Everybody traded things off, and I always had hand me downs. Somebody gave us a little car that you move by pedaling it. You were a teenager driving that car, you pretended. I thought that was the most fun we had. We went down to Virginia for a holiday, and then we came back home the boys on the street had been playing with the car and had an accident and it was completely shot. I was heartbroken."
"We had a yellow cat which must have used up every one of her 9 lives. One time when Daddy went to Washington, he'd leave way early in the morning before daybreak--she must have been in the car, and somewhere she jumped out, and weeks later came limping in. Another time someone had kicked her in the head, and Mama had her wrapped up in rags."
Evelyn did very well in school.
"I went to school when I was 4 I believe. In kindergarten or maybe it was schooling before kingergarten, but we went to a Virginia school and I don't remember too much about it, but then somewhere in there we moved up to Washington DC and we lived in Congress Heights, maybe when I was 4 turning 5. We had a long walk to the kindergarten. We lived upstairs in a big stucco house near St. Elizabeth's insane asylum. We could often hear the patients screaming, especially in the early mornings. And we had to walk past this huge Great Dane and we were told it was probably true that the police had arrested this dog. We lived there in the 1st grade and then in 3rd grade we moved up to Washington DC in PetWorth. I skipped 2nd grade and then I skipped half of 6th and half of 7th grade... but this particular dog, I can't remember his name anymore was a huge great Dane, and he came rushing out at us. So, we were glad when we got past the stage of walking to that school!
One time we had a hurricane and of course we didn't know anything about it, we were young, but the parents were told to keep the children at school and come and get them. All the students were supposed to stay until the parents came and got them, and I don't know how come but I wanted to go home. And so I left to go home and I was to say it was several blocks and when I got home, nobody was there. They thought that I had listened to the teacher and was waiting for them, but I didn't so finally we had a couple old maids who lived next door to us and they looked outside and saw this little thing with a I don't remember the color but a little crocheted cape and I had that little cape on and they saw me dripping outside the house and of course they couldn't get in my house so they took me in theirs. My guardian angel was watching me that day. Later we read in the paper, and heard on the radio that the hurricane and one bus turned over and it seemed to me some 20 children were injured or killed. That was down in Upper Malboro, Maryland I believe but in the same hurricane ... I heard Mama talking about some friend whose husband was home sick in bed. She scolded him when he came downstairs, and he said, 'When the roof blows off the house, don't you think it's time to come downstairs?'
"So in 3rd grade we went to Petworth (?) (I skipped 2nd grade) Marjorie and I had the same teacher, Mrs. Gresham, who had been Daddy's teacher when he was in grade school.Daddy was still working in the city and came down on the weekends. One night someone was knocking on the back door after we had gone to bed, but Mama wouldn't open it. The next morning there was a big stick beside the door, and we found that Uncle Henry's store down the road had been broken into and robbed."
"Then in the 4th grade we moved to Silver Spring, Maryland. We went to several grades there.
The house had a very large lot, and we always had a yard full of children. As far as I was concerned, I'd rather read a book anyway, but we did have many good times. In the fall Daddy raked the leaves into huge piles and we'd jump and play in them in the front yard. We always had a garden and chickens, and there were fruit trees--apples, pears, mulberries, cherries. We lived near the railroad station and being Depression years, there were many, many tramps who came begging food. I never remember any of them being turned away."
Went through high school. I graduated from Montgomery Blair, but that's not there anymore. We were first class to graduate from there. I graduated when I was 15, actually a month short of 16. About college... the less said the better. It was nothing to me. Four years at Randolph Macon Women's College. Chemistry major with a minor in German.
Throughout her school years, Evelyn would describe herself as a loner. She would always prefer to sit and read, rather than go out with the kids. She always enjoyed reading as said before, it was a big part of her life.
"Some of the little kids looked up to me, I remember my cousin who my grandmother raised because her parents died during WWI. They had a really fierce epidemic, during WWI. She grew up a little old for her age, but she had a boyfriend and the rest of us kids would sit down on the steps and all play school. And I was always reading to them and I was the teacher. And they couldn't get over how I could read so much faster than they did. That cousin, she is still living and asks about me, Winnie tells me. Her name is Christine. She got married very young and she has a second marriage now. She always would say how come you're so young and we're in 6th grade and I can't read like you."
Evelyn considered herself a "loner" throughout high school as well; she did not participate in athletics or anything but she remembers 7th grade they had what we call "field day" now. Where all the [Montgomery] Country schools have races together. Evelyn went to that, they offered to take her along, and it was the first time she ever rode on a train, she liked that memory.
Although Evelyn didn't have contact with a lot of older relatives when she was young, she did have many relatives from her generation!
"Growing up we had huge family gatherings, lots and lots of cousins. If we had a big shindig, you went whether it was close to you or not. We often went down to the country for any holiday or Christmas and Thanksgiving. One Christmas all the family was eating at our house and the chimney caught on fire. Everyone was running around like mad, but Mama threw soda in the stove which put out the fire. I also remember we had firecrackers at Christmas as well as the 4th of July.
I always loved going to visit Aunt Bessie and Uncle John Davis. Aunt Bessie always had rice pudding with "bugs" (raisins) waiting for me in the pantry. And Uncle John would always say, "Are you going to eat that old dead chicken?" They were really good to me and even after we moved to Silver Spring, I spent some of the summers with them. Once Junior chased me around the house, with the loaded revolver Uncle John kept by his bed. We would often play dominoes in the hall, which was always so cool, with the doors open at both ends, and the big trees all around the house. I can still hear the sound of the rain on their tin roof, and see the big painting of a dog in their hall. We always went to bed "with the chickens" so lamps wouldn't draw mosquitoes."
"One occasion I especially remember at Aunt Bessie's was when their big dog broke his rope and jumped on Mama, knocking her down on her face in the dirt. She was trying to crawl away, thinking he was still tied. Daddy was in the house and when he finally got through the crowd at the door, he grabbed the dog with his bare hands and threw him off and he ran away. Marjorie and I were both left with a real fear of dogs."
"I also enjoyed visiting Aunt Corrie's family, and sleeping about 4 or 5 in a bed as I recall--half of us would lie with our heads at one end of the bed, and the other half the opposite way. They would like to scare us with ghost stories, although it never bothered me too much. I remember Aunt Corrie's vegetable soup, and Otelia's sour potatoes especially. They were all hard workers from early morning until night. Uncle Julian used to like to play "The Little Redwood Casket" and "Letter Edged in Black" on the phonograph."
"Aunt Irva's house was distinguished by having a Delco plant for electricity. I liked sitting on her hill and hearing our voices echo across the valley. It always seemed like a very peaceful place. Also I remember their 24 cats and "Wags" the dog."
"At one time our cousin Lila (Aunt Corrie's daughter) stayed with us for a time. Her husband had died when their son Jimmie was very small, and he was about 2 years old when they stayed with us. When Gloria was born, Daddy had already left for the market, so Mama woke us up about 4 or 5 in the morning (seemed like the middle of the night to me), and Lila and I walked up to Mr. Thompson's so he could get Dr. Mitchell. When Lila was married again, I went up to the parsonage to be their witness."
"Russell was the youngest of 10, he really had a big family. A great family, I liked them all, his dad died before we dated though, so I didn't know him."
So as you can tell, family is a high priority for grandma. The majority of our time writing this life history was about God and about family, that's it. It was a real challenge to get her to talk about her career, her accomplishments and anything good about herself. She's so humble and exemplifies a christian lady.
"We always went to church. That was the main things really in our family was the church. It's interesting that the youngest sibling ended up being a Baptist preacher and the 2nd youngest was a Presbyterian preacher. But it didn't matter; what mattered was that we all Love the Lord."
"We used to go to the chapel, which was a tiny building, next to Aunt Betty Bob's. I remember hearing Mr. Bagby, a Baptist missionary to Brazil. He compared the way to Heaven to getting into the Piggly-Wiggly store. Most of the folks there didn't know about the Piggly-Wiggly, but I had been in the "big city" so I knew about the turnstile which was the only way to get in the store, and could understand what he meant that there was only one way to get to Heaven."
Evelyn's and her soon-to-be-husband's families were friends. They all knew each other growing up, but Russell Murphy was 7 years older than Evelyn.
"We went to church in those days, everybody did, I guess because the war, or maybe just because the way it was. One time he [Russell] was at home with my family to eat dinner. After the dinner, I was helping clean in the kitchen and I said I hoped you liked dinner and he said, 'I didn't come here for dinner' and I said, 'oh you didn't?' and he said,'no I came to see you.' So we started communicating more and more and I would come home every other weekend from school and he'd come up there every other weekend... I guess for all the people of my generation, marriage came along with war, so it made it different from other people... the war overseas... I was glad he came back, it was a long time. We made plans and I bought land, I had saved up all that money working while he was in the service. $15,000 for the land all together. We were very economical, and daddy built the house for next to nothing. My dad built and designed this house too and still is the nicest house I ever saw. Everything was built in, the dressers and everything had its place. You remember, everybody loves that house. I saved every penny for that house though when Russell was gone. I didn't spend it on anything. Right before he was overseas, I was in New Jersey and I was professor at the University of Delaware (she would be the only female chemistry professor there for a long time) where I lived in a room and board with 2 old maids. One was a schoolteacher and she had taught one of Russell's friends in the army. I went to New Jersey one time with Russell and looked up that friend, and got his uncle on the phone and uncle said he didn't go by the [Jewish] name anymore he changed it so something shorter and he became very wealthy. Last we knew he was living in Ireland and coming home every summer or something. Russell and he were great friends. Russell had some real great friends.. anyway...I went back home after living in New Jersey because Russell didn't want me there, and I think he was smart to tell me that. So I got a job at Standard Oil working in the chemistry lab or them. I made a lot more money because I was working for the government, and then I was with my family. So... then he was back from the war and I moved into my own house with Russell and that was great moving out of my parent's house into my own house."
I asked grandma [Evelyn] how she had the determination to work so hard and save so much money, and wasn't she scared he wouldn't come back. And she said, "you have to have a goal. I trusted in the Lord to bring him back safely. He did". Evelyn told me that Russell used to go crabbing, he grew up on the Eastern shores of Maryland, he would go crabbing for nickel each and he couldn't even keep the nickel, he had to give it his parents to help them out. He was only 5 then. Evelyn and Russell both always were very good with their money and always said to me, "take care of your pennies, and your dollars will take care of themselves".
Evelyn's other jobs through the years:
"I always babysat too when I was little. I forgot about that. One of the people I babysat grew up to be somebody famous I think. I don't know. My daughter told me they were famous. A boy and girl who were mormon. I don't care for TV or any of that junk though."
Evelyn also worked on one of the first computers built in the US. She worked at Vitro Laboratories in Washington, D.C. and that was after she was married and before she had Glennie Jo. And even though it's not really a "job" she was Sunday School teacher for over 50 years, teching people from ages 2 to 99. Her last job was a secretary at Garfinkel's in Washington DC which was a huge upper class department store. Russell was the manager and she was the secretary. She went to work there when Glennie Jo was four. An interesting fact about that is that Russell worked with the fur coats for a long time and all the presidents bought and stored their coats there. He had pieces of Franklin Delano Roosevelt's fur coat and grandma gave a piece to me because she knows how much I love history. It has a little note with it saying that it is a true piece of the fur coat. Grandma has lots of history art pieces, furniture, notes letters and pictures in her basement. They kept everything, and really do have lots of interesting things. She doesn't look at it anymore, but we all love to.
After moving into the house, they tried for 5 years to have kids and they kept losing them. (Although grandma didn't want to say "lost" - she knows where they are). They kept praying and finally Glennie Jo came and she would be the only child they would raise. They always had a lot of fun, went on trips, went to the park, read together and played games. She was a gift from God, they said. They taught her all about gardening and growing things to eat and about birds and animals. Grandma said that having a child and having grandkids has truly changed her life, and she is real proud of all of them. When she looks at how other grandchildren don't care for the elderly and then looks at us, she says she realizes she is blessed.
Russell died in 1991. He died after a bypass heart surgery. Evelyn was never the same after that. She left her favorite house, her neighborhood and family she grew up with to come to New Jersey and live close to her children and grandchildren. She has a real nice house in New jersey and used to drive to the library a lot, and come and watch the grandchildren play sports and talent shows, but she doesn't do that anymore. I don't know that she likes it up here. She has had to change her whole lifestyle. I know she loves us a lot though. And I know that she knows she is loved a lot!
Evelyn says the most influential people in her life were her parents, her Sunday School teacher when she was 10, who not only taught her Sunday school but taught her how to knit, crochet and sew and even when Evelyn was married and older she always prayed for her and made sure she knew she did; and of course Russell and Glennie Jo.
Evelyn believs her greatest success or something she is most proud of is her daughter. And also helping to raise her grandchildren. She is really proud of all of them. Others around Evelyn would say she has succeeded in ALL asects of her life, except maybe she is too hard on herself. She is very intelligent still, very caring, God-loving and a hard working woman. She succeeded very well in her occupations, in her role as a mother, sister, Sunday school teacher, friend grandma, and I believe she's done the most important thing a person could do on earth - she's brought many people around her to love and trust the Lord, and I don't believe there really is a greater gift than that to give.
Grandma says the hardest thing about growing old is being separated from her loved ones. But she says that being a Christian has made it easier on her, and she just appreciates all she's been given, because she knows many non-Christians out there are being separated permanently from their loved ones, so she just remembers that she will see her loved ones again. So that is something to look forward to for her and I think she really does look forward to Heaven. She told me that there "are also unpleasant things for us to look forward to [about growing old], but just trust in Him to make it right." She couldn't really say the best thing about growing old except she actually likes that she has less responsibility she says, she sees how stressed out my mom is and how much she works, and actually appreciates retirement and having less to do.
Evelyn's philosophy of life was simple really: Matthew 6:33 "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well"
She belives another thing of growing old is just accepting it.
"As with many other things, and with life, you have to not dwell on the negative, but instead count your blessings. We bring a lot of the bad and negative upon ourselves, so you should never blame God for the bad. Some people believe in Him only when it's beneficial to them (to blame Him for something); but they don't believe in Him when they should thank Him for the good things. I never understood that. Religion has always been very important through my life. God was always number one. My spiritual beliefs have not changed really as I have aged, basically. The things I learned in the very beginning are still true. Sure, at times life is very complicated and it has taken a lot of changes... But you eventually see that things work out. They always do. That is God's hand. I can't even begin to imagine how many of my prayers have been answered sometimes within minutes! You can't understand some things that happen, but eventually you do find out that things work out and what you believe is true. We were not built to understand everything. God didn't want us to have all that pressure; we weren't created to know everything He does. You have to trust. To prepare for old age... the best thing to know about old age, is that it is coming for you, prepared or not.. so just take life day by day! Keep on reading your Bible"
Grandma stopped driving in 2000. She can walk by herself but walks very slow, but I'd say for a woman her age that has never done routine exercise she is doing great physically. She does have signs of depression and has episodes where she gets scared and calls 911 - but I think that is all initiated by the depression. I think it's a chemical problem in the brain - not something she can control by herself or solved easily at this point. I think she's doiggn great except some back pains and bladder problems. She doesn't really leave the house except for special occasions and to go to the doctor or to walk outside with the nurse. However, now that the cold weather is starting again, she won't leave the house at all - it's hibernation time. The nurse came 4 months ago and hopefully she will be good for her this winter.
Evelyn does have some signs of dementia, and some days are worse than others. However, she keeps reading her Bible every day, keeps reading books (she can still read a WHOLE book in ONE siting) and does cross word puzzles, plays her piano and plays with her cats. The nurse that lives with her helps with her daily ativities and helps her keeping track of medication, cooking, etc. She also reminds her to drink and eat and helps her exercise regularly.
Evelyn says it is very frustrating to be losing her memory and her mind. I bet it must be real hard especially because of how smart she is. She thinks her mind was always her best quality. I think it is her heart and personality are the best. She says her mind was one of her best friends and it's hard to lose another friend.
She stopped going to church a couple of months ago, right before the nurse came and right after the incident where she fainted in church from the wrong medication usage. I believe the dementia or depression got a lot worse at this point. It's hard to imagine her not going to church. In New Jersey life is just different than the South though. There are not many Baptist churches up there, and the one we go to doesn't have any older people, it has very few people at all actually. I wish she had some friends her age, but she says all her older friends have died, which is true but she still has a lot of friends left, but they've just lost touch with each other. I talk to her every day and I make sure to tell her how much she means to me and all of us and how beneficial she is and how much of a purpose she's had and continues to have because the values she teaches me. She is teaching me that in life's hardest challenges, to lean on the Lord, she always has and it always works.
She always looks forward to Aunt Gloria & Paul, Uncle Winnie & Nancy coming to visit. Aunt Gloria and her talk on the phone daily. Grandma's love and appreciation for Gloria grows every day. She also always mentions how thankful she is for my mom, her daughter, especially as she gets more dependent. She know mom works so hard for her and she "doesn't know how she does it all".
Grandma is very positive about God and the strength she has with Him but she is very critical and negative on herself at the same time (sometimes). She's never had a high self esteem or high self confidence and I think it's really affecting her as she gets older. She is around herself more than anybody, so it must be hard to be with somebody so critical all day. She really gets mad at herself when she can't rememer or do the things she used to. But I think she is getting better at just accepting what is happening like she said, and 'taking it day by day'
thank you Rands! what a great independence day gift.
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